I am a words person. Good or bad, true or false, I will give precedence to words over what I receive via my other senses. Over the years as I have become more self aware, I have developed my ability to differentiate between true and false words using non verbal cues as well as my intuition. But words are still what resonate deeply in my heart and my strongest connection with the outside world.
Recently a friend posted this video link on Facebook. The speaker is Dr. Brene Brown, a researcher at the University of Houston.
It is quite a long video, but I encourage you to watch it if you haven’t already seen it. She has several more on YouTube on related topics which will help make the concepts she talks about even more clearer.
In this video clip, Dr. Brown mentions three important words that resonated very deeply within me.
“I am enough“. I have read enough self help books to have come across these words before, but never really understood what they actually meant. Dr. Brown talks about the difference between people who feel a deep sense of connection with other people and those that don’t. The ones that do, feel they are worthy of that connection while those that don’t feel they are not enough. Not tall enough, pretty enough, thin enough, rich enough, smart enough and so the list goes. When you feel you are not enough, you feel a deep sense of shame. In order to overcome this shame and accept that you are enough, you need to be vulnerable and allow your authentic self to be seen with all your imperfections. And only then can you feel connected and have a sense of love and belonging.
Throughout our lives we get told we are not enough in some shape or form. I remember once taking my school report to my mum after having come 3rd in my class and being told “next time make sure you are first”. She reasoned that if she commended me for being 3rd, then I would stop striving. I remember my aunt bringing me a marriage proposal. She described the boy, his education and family background and then said “they don’t mind that the bride is not pretty”. Was I really supposed to want to marry a guy who thought I was not pretty even before we had met? Two days ago I was speaking to a relative, who was as dark complexioned as I was and she described two women. One she said was pretty and the other not, but then she qualified herself and said, “well, the first one wasn’t really pretty, but at least she was fair complexioned”. I don’t think she even realised how much she insulted both of us by that statement.
So it is no wonder that many of us go through life feeling like we are not enough and as a result feel a great sense of disconnection from those around us. We want to feel love and belonging, but as long as we hold onto those beliefs of inadequacy both about ourselves and others, they will continue to elude us.
I share this blog my Facebook page and I know some of you who know me wonder why I am putting so much of myself on here. The answer is simple; I know I am not perfect and I am not afraid to show it anymore. I am trying to speak from my heart and be as authentic as I can be. And if in that process, I can inspire you to do the same, then it would have been worth it.