It is Monday morning and I have come home after two nights away…Feel out of sorts. Like something is not quite right with my world. I had a wonderful weekend, although yesterday could have been better. But then again we all have those sorts of days when one comment from another person causes a reaction in you that puts a slant on things that carries on till late in the day however much you try to shake it off.
One reason I might be feeling a bit unsettled might be because I haven’t had any time off on my own without Jacob or other family since my Europe trip last September/October. It is high time I went on holiday somewhere or at least started planning something. But everything feels like it is in limbo. The future seems so far away and unpredictable. I am used to seeing a good airfare or getting excited with the idea of a destination and booking my holidays on the spur of the moment. My only consideration usually is care for the child and the cat in that time. Being able to travel out of New Zealand is one of the things I live for. I have managed to travel overseas at least once every year if not more since I arrived here 13 years ago.
Being in a relationship means you can no longer get up and go when you feel like it. You find that you have different ideas of what a holiday should be about. My Englishman thinks it should only revolve around Cricket or Football. Any other requests to take time off work are not met with enthusiasm. My availability is tied to my commitments around Jacob’s care and University. This is the last week of classes and I have a final essay due on the 8th of November, but after that I have four complete months off till Semester One starts. I am itching to plan for time off in those four months. But I don’t have a sense of what is possible. The Englishman already has a trip booked to go watch a Cricket Match in Australia in December and doesn’t want to go anywhere that month. I have 5 or 6 days without Jacob from Christmas day onwards, but now limited in what I can do with it……
I need something to plan for and look forward to. I am almost tempted to book time away just by myself to avoid the hassles of negotiating. Yet, what is the point of going somewhere on your own and not being able to do things with the person closest to you. I don’t have answers…..So instead I am going to list out all the things in my life I am currently grateful for…
- I have someone in my life that enjoys spending time with me and doing things during the week or the weekend like movies or musical shows or even just a meal out.
- Jacob is happy and well and making friends at school.
- I have done well so far in my Anthropology studies at University.
- If I do find somewhere to go, I can find the money to pay for it without too much sacrifice.
- It is coming into Summer and the days are getting longer and filled with sunshine.
- I have 5 weeks of time off during the week before the school holidays start after my coursework finishes.
- My health is better than it has been for a few months and I can do most of my regular activities without hindrance.
- I have a weekend away coming up in two weeks.
- I have been invited out for Melbourne Cup Day which falls on Guy Fawkes Night this year and get to dress up.
- The Englishman and I have plans with Jacob for Halloween and Fireworks over the next 2-3 weeks.
So as you can see, I have no need to feel sorry for myself:). I have a full and complete life and should remember that I have much to be grateful for…….