It has been weeks since I last wrote…School started back for the year on 3rd Feb and while it has taken a lot of work by a lot people to make it happen, Jacob has made it through the first 3 weeks. He is allowed lots of breaks in a little tent I have organised for him in the corridor outside of his classroom and is given a lot of choice about how he does his school work. He is incredibly tired by the end of the school day and we were worried enough to have the GP do lots of blood tests to see if anything was wrong. Thankfully all the tests have come back negative. This weekend he is away in Wellington with his father to watch a Dr. Who stage show and I finally have some quiet time to write.
It is not that I have not felt the need to write. I have been through some turbulent times with the Englishman in the past few weeks and through all of that I wrote in a private blog to sort my thoughts out. The issues we were tackling were only pertinent to the two of us and the act of writing put enough emotional distance between us to allow the space to work things through. In the end though, it wasn’t the writing that got us through. It was the process of cutting some cords. I will let you read about the concept of cord cutting in the article below, but basically what it means is getting rid of negative attachments we form with various people. Attachments that hold us back.
While I have not been brought up in the Christian faith and the concept of Archangels and God are foreign to me, I have had cord cutting done before and knew it worked. However, a spritual teacher I met some months ago mentioned that when we want to get rid of attachment, asking Archangel Michael to cut the cords with silver sisscors was too abrupt a method to use and his advice was to ask that any bonds formed between us and the other person be gently disengaged. Much like un-linking the fingers in a pair of linked hands.
About ten days ago, I got to a point that I thought I would not be see the Englishman again. Our main issue centered around my reactions every time something came up about his past before he met me. He said he had put it behind him, but whenever it was brought up, it stirred up this horrible churning inside of me and as soon as he realised I was upset about it, he would get upset. He hated hurting me and I hated hurting him. Yet neither of us could break free from this cycle. And because I could not see a way out of it, that morning, I decided to ask that our intertwined lives become disengaged and any attachments freed. I resolved that what was meant to be shall be. And to the Englishman I said I would be at the place where we first met for half an hour that afternoon to say goodbye. I did not know if he would turn up, but I needed to say goodbye in my own way.
At ten minutes past the hour, just I had decided he wasn’t going to turn up, he came around the corner from where I was sitting, looking all grey and sad. But he came. It took a while, but we went for a walk and we talked and we realised that we both cared about each other very much and that neither of us wanted to walk away. So we went out for dinner and just enjoyed each others company. Throughout that evening and the next day, I realised something curious. Whenever little things came up in conversation that would have upset me greatly in the past, I no longer felt anything. At first I thought the connection between us had been broken. But upon more thought, I realised that the process of asking to be disengaged as I had done, had actually cut the cords of negative attachment between us. I no longer sensed his emotions concerning people or events from his past. It was just us in the relationship and no one else. No excess baggage cluttered our lives anymore.
Ten days on, things are still good. The change has been amazing and the difference in our relationship has been huge. I wanted to share this experience with you all because I know we all have negative attachments to various people in our lives, attachments driven out of fear and we could all do with a cord cutting of sorts. How you do it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you consciously think of the person concerned and ask those cords to be disengaged in some shape or form. Good luck…