I have spent the last three days at a beautiful Retreat catering exclusively to women in a rugged part of the New Zealand coastline. Walks on the beach, watching sunsets, lots of reading, time spent in isolation broken up with meal times in the company of others and sometimes just zonking out under the covers in a rustic garden chalet all helped me achieve a measure of tranquility when events threatened to overwhelm me. A friend I reached out to had heard of it and helped me find the contact details. They had space for me that afternoon and a couple of phone calls later to organise care for Jacob and to let my family know I was going to be away, I was off down the long windy roads to my sanctuary.
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and I decided to spend it with Jacob. Yesterday I came home briefly from my retreat to finish unpacking the bags from the England Trip and to tidy up and reorganise my personal space. I know it is counter intuitive to do this while I am supposed to be resting. The lady running the Retreat explained to me that it was because I was an ENFJ in Myers Briggs Personality Types and it was the “J” in me that needed to do this. Today I had an errand to do; it was about saying goodbye and letting go. I have done both, but have also walked away with the feeling that the door is not closed for ever. What I learned over the last three days through reading and contemplation and counseling helped me realise that the best way to walk away was to celebrate the good in that part of my life and that was what I did.
I know whatever happens I will be ok. I have good friends and special people in my life who love me and Jacob and are there for us in times of difficulty and let us do the same for them. After a period of difficulty I am feeling much better healthwise. To maintain my sanity, I took down my social medial profile. This is a time to regroup and recover and I felt being in the public eye was a hindrance. When things are on an even keel, I will reconnect. But for now, this peace is blissful…..