Accepting What Is

A short while ago, I was sitting at the dinning table waiting for my son to finish his dinner when a great wave of sadness washed over me. I had suppressed the grief for the last few days, but now it is slowly finding it’s way out. Then I realised I had a comment waiting on my blog from a fellow blogger on the other side of the world. Her beautiful words were over flowing with love and gladdened my heart. It reminded me why I was where I am today….It was not my decision to leave, but having being told to leave, I now know it was not to be.

I had not visited her blog for a while, so decided to check out her latest post. She was quoting from Ram Dass about how to judge oneself less harshly and to appreciate oneself more..He used the analogy of how we are able to look at a tree and accept it just as it is, but when it came to judging ourselves, the voice in our heads says we should be this and we should be that. What if we could look at ourselves like trees and accept who we are, just as we are….? Simple concept, but profound in its implications.

For many months, I fought against who I was and instead tried to be what I should. I demanded the same from the Englishman. I didn’t accept him for who he was, but demanded that he be who I wanted him to be. Domesticated, virtuous, living within the bounds of my moral values, understanding and kind and compassionate. I was really struggling with the relationship this time last year and went to a few therapy sessions. When I had related to her about why I was there, she said to me, you are trying to turn him into something that he isn’t even the raw material for…I know now, how true those words were.

I have strong moral boundaries I won’t cross. I will never ever have a relationship with someone already in a relationship, I am scrupulously honest about all areas of my life. I do not maintain close friendships with people of the opposite sex when I am in a relationship because I worry that it might violate the boundaries of emotional intimacy. My life is a open book and there are no hidden corners. I give wholeheartedly. If I say yes to something, then I stick by that decision. I am consistently this person. It is not based on convenience or circumstance. And I thought I could be with someone who did not live by these same values. I spent a lot of effort trying to reconcile who I could clearly see he was with who I needed him to be to have a relationship with. He tried to tell me all of this right at the beginning, but I refused to see. I thought love could conquer all…And the sad truth is, love only goes so far….especially because I didn’t know how to love unconditionally……

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. iamyourme says:

    “I didn’t know how to love unconditionally” Most of us don’t. We don’t because we do not know what the true definition of unconditional love is. You, my friend, now know the true meaning. Unconditional love is love despite the conditions. First, know how to practice this towards yourself. Love yourself despite the choices you make, despite the experiences you create. Focus on what you now know what you desire for yourself instead of what you don’t. Keep the thoughts that bring good feeling in the forefront. Don’t over dissect the experience focusing on what he didn’t do or what you should have done. That’s all done and over with. Practice feeling better within your current condition. Focus on the strength it took for you to move past your resistance and allow the path for happiness to be clear. Focus on your awareness of acceptance of self and others. Focus on creating relationships with people who celebrate their best selves with you and yours with them. This rampage is lifting my energy! I’m getting excited for you and myself! Focus on attracting experiences which keep you in that good feeling place, or your “happy place” as I like to describe it to my children. Speaking of children, they are the best examples of this. They are always close to their happy place. Ask your son how he does it. Ask him how he goes from feeling yucky to boundless. Pay attention to how you feel about things, about aspects of yourself. Be ok and happy with who you are (even the annoying parts) and there will be no resistance to being ok with who another is. So much is coming your way! Have fun! BTW, thanks for your appreciation 😉 I appreciate you just as much.

  2. iamyourme says:

    If you desire extra vibes from me outside of posts, contact me – hvnnerth@gmail.com

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