Light and Dark

I slept through the night and woke up feeling really good. Over the last three days I have progressively rid my house of all things to do with the Englishman. Yesterday I chanted the Loving Kindness Sutra and placed Reiki symbols all over my house. The change in energy is palpable. There is a calmness everywhere. I do not want negativity in my life. We all have those dark moments in our lives, but there is no point in taking on someone else’s darkness and adding to your own. I thought if I gave out enough light, he would eventually have more light moments than dark. And for the large part, that was the case. But his darkness was slowly infecting me. And I could no longer see a purpose for what I was doing. One thing he consistently said from the beginning is that he was better on his own. For over a year I argued back saying how much better his life was in a relationship. But lately, I started saying to him, if I have to justify to you why you need to be in a relationship, then there is something seriously wrong with “us”. I have finally seen the truth. You can only bring someone into the light if they want to come out of the darkness. If they are determined stay there, then you are only wasting your time.

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Excellent words. I think we all struggle with this awareness from time to time.

    1. Thank you Kimberly. I now feel none of the discomfort I felt in my body when I was suppressing that awareness. That is proof enough that I was denying what is and resisting the truth….

  2. iamyourme says:

    Oh,my love its been a while for me in reading your posts. First I want to say that you are in a very good place. Being present in awareness is always a good place. We’ve been conditioned that to think of self is wrong. You made a very selfish decision to feel better about your life experiences by choosing for resistance to be replaced by allowing. You chose to allow better feeling experiences to come to you. You awakened to your better feeling self and allowed her to guide you through the darkness. It may not feel as good as you would like,but there is no denying that it feels better than it did. I feel the release and relief from your words. My viewpoint is that time is never wasted because you always end up where you need to be on your journey. The longer you stay where you are,the more time is invested in creating better experiences for yourself by sending out desires of what you want during your moments of what you don’t want. Being ok where you are emotionally helps to bring awareness and better feeling experiences to you. Just give yourself some love by replacing the negative thoughts and actions with those which feel better. Even if better means feeling angry instead of depressed or guilty. Only for a little while until you can get to those better feeling thoughts which inspire you to dance,laugh,or sing. I’ll be rooting for you over here…siss,boom,rah! YEAH!!! Hope I haven’t said too much 😀

    1. You said just the right amount of words:), words that are overflowing with love. Thank you my friend. I was feeling great sadness as the grief overwhelmed me and then saw your comment. It gave me heart. It was such perfect timing. You are an angel….

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