Good Things….

Waiting

Patience has never been my strong point, but over the years I have worked on it…getting better at it as I get older..The house auction was meant to be today, but now I have a whole week to wait….But as someone said to me yesterday, “Good things come to those who wait”….

It has been a mixed week. The latter half of the week much better than the earlier half. I spoke with the Englishman for the first time since we parted. There was a business transaction he was advising me on a day to two before the breakup that I needed his help with. When I rang him, he was gracious and helped me work out a strategy with my investment. I am very grateful for that. He seemed ok and said all he did was get drunk every night…

I have taken a good hard look at what is important to me in life and I am making changes to reflect who I really am inside. For a while now, I have wanted to give up eating meat. The thought of eating a living breathing sentient being bothered me hugely. But the Englishman was a big meat eater and knowing the practical difficulties of your partner being vegetarian when you were not, I just kept on eating meat. Two days ago, I ate the last bit of cooked chicken in the fridge and my last 3-4 meals have been totally vegetarian. I don’t like labels and don’t want to box myself in like I did when I tried vegetarianism for the first time a few years ago. I had also been using alcohol in my cooking, something I learnt from the Englishman. I decided to give away all of the alcohol I have remaining in the house to my neighbour and from now on, my home will be alcohol free. I grew up in a family where one grandparent and 3 uncles were alcoholics. I saw how my grandmother, aunts and cousins all suffered as a consequence and can see no benefit from continuing to make it a part of my life. I had never been much of a drinker, but alcohol is a big part of the Englishman’s life and it inevitably found it’s way into my house over the last few months. It is liberating to make decisions that are in alignment with my core values and not have to accommodate another person’s need for the sake of a relationship…

A few years ago, before I moved into this house, I filled my evening hours with lots of crime TV. CSI, Special Victims Unit, Criminal Minds, the Mentalist , etc. Then once I started going through my spiritual journey, I found I could not stomach them anymore. Very recently, just before we broke up, I found myself watching Criminal Minds and being able to handle the violence again. I was surprised to note this. Now I understand that it was probably because I was in a very negative place at that time influenced by the misery the Englishman carried about him like a cloak. After we broke up, I find myself back in that place where watching violence makes me feel sick again…Very interesting…My tolerance for violence goes up the closer I get to the negative end of the spectrum and when I fill my life with positivity, the tolerence goes back down again….

I want a life bathed in positivity, my own and that of the people around me. Where family and friends uplift you instead of bringing you down. I realise now that I cannot control what other people do. They will continue to operate from where they are at the moment. All I can do is react to their negativity with calm positivity. But I can choose to walk away when they are being negative and not stoop to their level. I can stop watching violence and crime on TV and instead immerse myself in things that bring harmony and peace…It is liberating to think that all this is now within my reach. And I am not waiting till I get my new house to put it all into practice. The positive life begins right now….

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. iamyourme says:

    Yes! Yes! Yes! I am reading your posts in a wave of appreciation and desire for something new to help get me into my “happy place” I’ve been hovering the threshold between there and here for some days now. Your appreciation is uplifting me and welling up my own. Thank you!

    1. I am glad to hear that my friend..Things are finally making sense for me and I am so grateful to be in this place..

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