For weeks now, I have been wriitng about how I feel really good despite having broken up recently. A difficult situation for most people that would be associated with grief and regret and sadness. I had no explanation for it..
But now, I have the glimmerings of an idea why I might feel this way…Yesterday was another good day. Just cooking myself a healty vegetarian meal, eating it, doing little jobs around the house, remembering to take my reusable bag when I went to the supermarket, sharing laughter with Jacob, helping a friend; through all the minutae of the day…I just felt really happy. And when I thought about it, I realised I was not doing anything that made me feel bad. There was no anxiety or discomfort. I was living life the way I wanted to live it, in alignment with my core values. This contrasted greatly with how it was when the Englishman was in my life. I tolerated a lot of things I wasn’t happy with. And I felt hugely uncomfortable in both body and mind. Everything from the constant presence of alcohol in my life, lack of consistency, honesty, integrity, values, boundaries, kindness, compassion, caring..tolerance of others, having a sense of responsibility, putting others before self, and last, but not least, love..They were my core values and I was trying really hard to make it work with these missing in my relationship. I knew they were missing, because I fought over every one of them that was violated. I thought by debating or arguing about it, I could convince him to adopt them for himself..But they were my values and not his. I could have argued myself blue in the face and it wouldn’t have made one iota of difference.
Many would ask why I stayed for so long in this relationship. I think I needed to discover that these things were important for me and I could only do it by being in the presence of someone who didn’t even know they existed, let alone share them. I needed the contrast as the “Law of Attraction” proponents would say..
Today, living each moment in line with the values that are important to me, I have discovered happiness..That is the secret.