It has been 5 years since my ex husband moved out of our home. The marriage broke up a year and a half before that, but he only moved out on Labour Weekend of 2009. I wanted to do a then and now post, about how much has changed in my life over those 5 years and thought it would be really good to find a picture of me around that time. I have looked through two computer’s worth of photos and the closest I can find is a picture from Jacob’s birthday party in early July 2009.
The sad reality was there was no one to take pictures of me…I was very dependant on my husband for the heavy jobs around the house, could barely drive, had no concept of who I was and what mattered to me in life above and beyond my family, had very low self esteem, found it hard to say no to people and basically ran myself ragged trying to please anyone and everyone. I didn’t understand the importance of valuing myself and being happy. Everything I was existed outside of me.
Five years on, I am glad to say I have found myself. I know who I am and what is important to me. I no longer look for happiness outside of myself. I have mastered driving and can look after my house and Jacob’s needs. I have learned to say “no” and stop trying to please people because I can handle their disappointment if I don’t please them all the time. I have learned to value myself and do things that matter to me.
It didn’t happen overnight. Infact, if you are a regular reader of my blog, you will know it has been a long slow and sometimes painful journey. But I have grown tremendously and feel capable of dealing with anything life might throw at me. One of my favourite quotes is:
I have survived 100% of the bad days so far; chances are I will survive the rest
Above all, I have learned to be grateful for all that I have in my life today..Jacob, my cats, good friends, this blog, my spiritual practice and for the mere fact I am still alive.