I haven’t felt much like writing for a few weeks. It has been a long hot summer in New Zealand and at first I was having way too much fun to find time to sit down and write. Then it got really busy with lots of scheduled medical appointments to take advantage of the school holidays. Now most of that is over and I can finally put words to “virtual paper”.
Ever since I saw the movie Stealth, I have had this idea that a particular scene where Josh Lucas follows his secret love interest in the movie (played by Jessica Biel) through the viewfinder of a camera epitomises what it means to be loved by someone. She is a fellow pilot and he is the commanding officer, so the one sided love remains a secret, but on that particular occasion when they were having some R & R time, he makes use of the opportunity to take a few candid shots of her. I never really understood why the scene affected me so much until now. It epitomised love for me because it demonstrated that he really saw her; That she was the opposite of being invisible to him.
So why is being visible to someone so important….By being visible I mean seen and heard. In my last relationship I fought long and hard to be seen and heard and never quite felt I got either from the Englishman. And let me tell you, when you are invisible to the person you care so much about, it is the worst kind of agony in the world. When they do not see who you really are or hear what you have to say, you might as well not exist. When day after day how you dress, how you look, how you show your love is ignored and all you get back is arguments about why other people were more important to him you begin to lose pieces of yourself until there is nothing left. And on the last day, when he tells you he is unable to love, you lose the last bits of yourself in such a way that you cannot find your way back to yourself and if you do, you are no longer the person you once were…..
So if you love someone, take the time to make sure they know you see and hear them. Otherwise one day, they might cease to exist.